The Incorrect Art of War [Episode 04] - Memoirs of Death

A J Summersgill and Jim H Moreno | March 06, 2005  | 0 comments  | Print  | E-mail

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Starring:

Doctor Sinister

Doctor Sinister. An evil Supervillain with an insane lust for power. From his secret island base, the Doctor plans to become future Emperor and Warlord of the planet Earth. Enjoys the company of cats and cloned genetically modified Dinosaurs.

And featuring:

General Menace. Graduated from West Point Military Academy with honours, served for twenty-five years in the US Army, reaching level of 2-star General in command of training facilities before being recruited by Doctor Sinister to command his New Model Army of World Domination. Has a penchant for cigars.

EPISODE 4 - “Memoirs of Death”

It is a dark and humid night on Sinister Island. With only distant twinkling stars to light his way through the Victory Mountain Range, General Menace nevertheless strides confidently forward, festooned in the gold braid and magnificent ribbons of his full ceremonial uniform.

Ahead of him, the ominous form of an enormous black tower stretching up into the sky blots out the stars. As the General nears, automatic sensors detect his presence and a large section of rockface slides open, illuminating the stark landscape with a sudden brilliance from the floodlights within.

The General steps through the rockface and steps into a gold-plated marble elevator. Very carefully, the General selects the green button, not the mauve one, and begins his ascent as the rockface closes with an echoing thud.

Five minutes later, atop Victory Spire…

Doctor Sinister: Welcome! Come in, make yourself at home. NOT that chair…it leads to one of the chutes and the ill-tempered Dinosaur pit. So what do you think of my luxurious flat?

General Menace: Very impressive my Lord. It’s so spacious up here, I never realised how big the tower was.

It’s a mile high, cast from the rocky remnants of one of the mountains that we blasted from the face of the island.

Incredible. You certainly think big my Lord. Might we be trying to compensate for something, Sir?

(Oblivious to the General’s innuendo) Yes, this is my Sinister Sanctum, my Sinister Fortress of Solitude, my Tower of Sinister Justice. It is from here that I shall rule the world, decide the fate of mankind, forcefully wine and dine the finest that society has to offer, and occasionally have a peek through my binoculars at the nudist beach to the north. It’s a good view…you should come up here during the day sometime.

Aye, Sir, and the place is of course well defended. Missile launchers and howitzers on the roof. Automated Vulcan guns and mortar tubes around the base. And there’s an entire battalion of my finest troopers living in spider holes dug around the entire complex. I see you have been just as busy on the inside, your Excellence. Such exquisite tastes in the decor. Tell me, is that the real Mona Lisa?

Indeed it is – we stole it from the Louvre some years ago. We replaced it with a colour photocopy. Apparently they still haven’t noticed…

No surprise - their security is nothing compared to ours. Is this a genuine Gutenberg Bible?

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