The Incorrect Art of War [Episode 07] - Building The Colossus

A J Summersgill and Jim H Moreno | June 14, 2005  | 0 comments  | Print  | E-mail

Well, what about those thingies out in the harbour?

Those "thingies" are just four-man patrol boats your Magnificence, we use them to keep people away from the coast. And we have a couple of Hovercraft and an old Frigate…but we don’t have a proper Navy.

What’s wrong with the Frigate?

It has a large hole in the side just about where the engine should be.

Really? Oh well, never mind, we can soon replace it. Pretty soon we’ll have the Colossus and all her sister ships!

A fleet consisting of JUST Battleships?

Absolutely - it’ll really scare the hell out of my enemies.

Yes, about that…

It’ll be a great fleet - one that this planet has never seen the like of before…

Yes, there’s a reason for that Sir….

There is?

Affirmative Sir, no-one builds Battleships any more.

Excellent! Then I shall rule supreme!! Ooh, I can’t wait…

No no, my Lord, you don’t understand, the concept of the Battleship is outdated. Nobody has built a new Battleship in over fifty years.

Not even a two-mile long one?

Especially not a two-mile long one. In fact, I can’t think of anything worse.

So all of a sudden you are an expert on Naval matters?

Well, I know a bit about it Sir.

Well then perhaps you should enlighten me?

Well my Lord, although it is true to say that the Battleship was once the very pinnacle of warship design, that all changed during the last World War.

Go on…

Aircraft Carriers proved that Battleships were no longer the invincible vessels of old, in fact, they were made obsolete almost overnight.

But they have enormous guns and they can blast people from afar! You can’t tell me that if I were to park a two-mile Battleship off your coastline that it wouldn’t be brown-trousers time?!

Yes Sir, but they can’t do much against an attack from the air. During World War II, it was demonstrated that the future of Naval warfare would revolve around fleets of aircraft carriers and their escorts. In fact, during the Battle of Midway, two enemy fleets engaged each other at extreme range using their Planes and never even saw each other.

Planes you say?

Yes Sir. If you were to send out a Battleship like the Colossus, she’d just be a big two-mile long target for Planes, Submarines, Motor Torpedo Boats, minefields, anti-ship missile systems, she’d be obsolete even before you laid the keel.

Now you’re talking nonsense General - sometimes I wonder why I ever hired you. You’re so negative…

I’m sorry Sir, truly I am, but if you are going to build the Colossus, I urge you not to send her to sea without some kind of Destroyer escort at least.

Destroyers?! Why? Don’t you think the Colossus is capable of destroying things herself? Look at those guns! And so many of them!!

A Destroyer is a type of Ship Sir, used for escort duties to defend larger vessels or battlegroups against underwater or airborne attack. If you had a screening force of Destroyers around the Colossus, she might stand more of a chance.

I don’t want to waste my time building small ships - I want BIG! The bigger the better! Don’t you want to be an Admiral?

Not really Sir. Not on board the Colossus at any rate.

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