Well, to be fair, it’s probably not just the secret service, there’s the FBI as well…

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Oh that’s just great, let’s declare an open day shall we! Come and see the insane one-eyed lunatic and his useless General! I wouldn’t be surprised if we weren’t still on that reality TV show.

Well, the Americans did build it my Lord, I would be surprised if they didn’t leave something behind to keep an eye on the place.

Fantastic – next thing you’ll be telling me that our adventures are being serialised on a monthly basis and appearing on a website!

It’s possible…

I just don’t get what’s going on – I mean…metal spiders?

Yes, I agree, it does seem rather more sophisticated than I would have expected, this is the fifth spider we’ve found in the last month, they seem to be able to go anywhere – and they are equipped with powerful video and audio transmission equipment…I just wish I knew where they were coming from.

Well it’s not good enough, I was engaged in an important telephone conference with President Bush when I found this thing, it could have overheard everything.

Really? What did he say?

Oh, you know, the usual, how fearful he is of me, how much he respects me, that kind of thing…my future Presidency is essentially a given.

Wow! I’d sure like to hear that conversation.

Well, alas, it’s lost to the world now, thanks to this dratted spider.

I wonder…

What?

Perhaps we can plug the memory module from this spider into H.A.T.E. – see if he comes up with anything, and it’ll let me see how much the President fears you.

(Alarmed) Well…let’s not be hasty…

No, it’s OK, I think we need to do this, perhaps we can identify where these things are getting in, pick up the receiver for their signals, and jam it. (The General removes a tiny memory card from inside the spider)

General, really, it’s OK…

(General Menace heads to the large display screen at the end of the room and speaks to the main viewer)

H.A.T.E, have you been listening?

+++ CONFIRMED +++

Open an interface port. (A small hatch opens in the wall, General Menace locates the correctly sized port and slots the card into it) Run memory, most recent images first. (Turning to the Doctor) We can backtrack its movements better that way.

+++ CONFIRMED +++

(On the main viewer, a dark and grainy image appears)

Oh dear, it’s not working, what a shame, turn it off…

No no, my Lord, it’s dark because it’s showing us the last image it saw – and it was inside a sheet at the time. H.A.T.E, spool back at double speed.

(The picture speeds up to show Doctor Sinister leaping backwards onto the bed to the reverse strains of Wagner and then shows him conducting his pretend orchestra)

Big fan of Wagner is he?

Who?

The President.

(Embarassed) Shut up. H.A.T.E, spool back, four times speed.

(General Menace looks askance at the Doctor)

Sorry my Lord, whatever you get up to in your own quarters is none of my business.

It wasn’t me, it was my robotic arm, it’s not been itself lately, I think it could do with a service.

Of course Excellency, whatever you say. (Under his breath) I bet you could do one heck of an air guitar…

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