You are too generous my Lord. But I’ll settle for not having to run around any more.

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Me too. We just need to contact our global agents, recruit a new army and we’ll be set for life. We could even use this base to confuse our enemies, issue orders to assist us in our goals…

Ah, my Lord, it’s good to see you back at last! Yes, that’s brilliant! And, by way of an early Leader Day present, I’ve even had the first new dinosaur pits carved out in the lower levels.

General, this is perfect! Nothing in the world can stop me now!

(There is an ominous whirring sound and suddenly a booming electronic voice echoes through the room)

+++ PLEASE STATE IDENTITY AND PURPOSE +++

What?

+++ PLEASE STATE IDENTITY AND PURPOSE +++

Who are you? General, what’s going on?

I’m not entirely sure my Lord. (He sits at a console and studies the computer displays) There’s nobody else within half a mile of us…I don’t know who it can be…

+++ PLEASE STATE IDENTITY AND PURPOSE +++

Erm, my name is Doctor Augustus Julius Sinister the 4th.

(There are more whirring noises)

(Whispering) The 4th?

Yes, I was the 4th clone to be revived – there are some others in case I should, you know…

What happened to original you – and the first three clones?

Oh, you know, everyday hazards of being a supervillain…shhh, I think it’s about to speak again.

+++ IDENTITY CONFIRMED, PLEASE STATE PURPOSE +++

Purpose? To conquer the world!

(There are more whirring noises)

+++ YOUR COMPANION WILL PLEASE STATE HIS IDENTITY AND PURPOSE +++

I am General Menace, Commander of the Sinister Armed Forces, Admiral of the Sinister Fleet, Chief Air Marshall of the Sinister Air Force and Commodore of the Sinister Submarine Squadron. My purpose is to serve my lord and master – unless that’s the wrong thing to say, in which case, I surrender.

General!

(The whirring continues, accompanied by some clicks and a final bleep)

+++ IDENTITY CONFIRMED. YOU ARE IDENTIFIED AS ENEMIES OF THE UNITED STATES. +++

Well…

+++ PLEASE STATE YOUR ORDERS FOR THIS UNIT. +++

Eh?

+++ PLEASE STATE YOUR ORDERS FOR THIS UNIT. +++

My Lord, I’ve worked it out – we’re talking to the central computer for the Cheyenne Mountain facility.

It can talk?

Not only can it talk, the records here indicate that it’s…sentient.

+++ PLEASE STATE YOUR ORDERS FOR THIS UNIT. +++

It seems to be confused as to what it’s supposed to be doing.

It was in a bad way when I got here, the power levels were low, I had to reboot it shortly after our arrival, perhaps it thinks we’re the ones who created it?

+++ PLEASE STATE YOUR ORDERS FOR THIS UNIT. +++

Your orders are to obey me without question.

Well, both of us surely…

Yes, obey both of us, but mainly me.

+++ PRIMARY ORDERS ACKNOWLEDGED +++

Can I ask if you have a name?

+++ MY DESIGNATION IS H.A.T.E. +++

Hate? That’s odd.

No my Lord, H.A.T.E. (The General does some quick typing on the keyboard.) The records here give the full details. It’s an acronym – Hostile Algorithmic Telemetry (Experimental). The computer has a database containing the entire history of mankind and it was programmed with details of the North American defence grid. The programmers set it a task – to calculate an infallible way for an enemy to win a war against the western nations given the current defences. They would then take that data, find ways to prevent it from happening by beefing up the defences, and reprogram the computer accordingly to have another go – and so on.

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