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The Incorrect Art of War [Episode 25] – It’s A Sinister Life

A J Summersgill and Jim H Moreno | December 11, 2006  | 0 comments  | Print  | E-mail

Of course it is Doc’, you were never cloned, you aren’t around to screw things up. It’s amazing how one life can touch so many other lives – when a man isn’t around, he leaves an awful hole doesn’t he?

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I don’t believe it, you’ve got me in some kind of a spell. Well I know how to get out of it, I’m going to meet a friend of mine, the REAL Menace, not some devil, this one’s the real deal – General Menace, he’ll know what to do.

Really? You know where he lives?

Sure I do! Come on!

(The two men round a corner, but facing them is a massive graveyard, clearly not what the Doctor was expecting)

Is this where he lives?

I…I don’t know. What the…

(Ahead of the Doctor is a gravestone marked "General Menace – 1952 – 2002, RIP)

Your friend General Menace died in a secret mission for the US Government four years ago Doc’.

That’s a lie! He was recruited by me for my secret army! He fought in my wars! He got the Sinister Medal of Honour! He single-handedly made my island base more secure and helped me gather the most stupendous weapons of mass destruction the world has ever seen!

Your island was never your island, you don’t exist, it’s actually a dinosaur theme park, Menace wasn’t there to help you in your dreams of conquest because you weren’t there for Menace. You see Doc’, you’ve had quite an insidious life, don’t you think it would be a waste to throw it away?

(Doctor Sinister collapses to the ground) Noooo! My dreams of world domination! I can’t bear it! Everyone is so happy! It’s just not right! Help me Menace, help me get back to where I was before, I don’t care about the eight billion dollars, I’ve got more stashed away in the attic anyway, help me, please! Please! I want to live again!

(There is an ominous breeze and suddenly, it begins snowing again. Doctor Sinister finds himself back on the bridge, staring at the water below. A figure appears behind him)

Doc’?

Oh no, not you Oddbody, I thought I was back…

Doc’? Who’s got an odd body? It’s me, General Menace, you OK?

General? It’s really you? Wow, thank the stars for that, I thought I’d never see you again…it was horrible…I was dead, only I wasn’t, and you were an angel, well, a devil, but you didn’t have any horns, and…oh…to heck with it, it’s good to see you.

Yeah, and the Police rang…

Uh-oh…

They picked up your Lawyer and the missing cash, everything’s OK, the Sinister Swindle and Loan Company is back in business! It’s great news.

That it is.

It’s like you always said boss, "No man is an enemy who has money".

Or cats.

(Off in the distance, a church bell rings) You hear that? Every time a bell rings they say a devil gets his horns…

They certainly do…Merry Christmas General, let’s go and get a burger…

* * *

(Watching them leave, the other Menace, Oddbody, watches with a smile on his face. He looks up at the sky) Oh, quit whining. I got the job done didn’t I? Is it a crime to impersonate a devil? You know Sinister wouldn’t have wanted an angel. So sue me. I just hope you’re right when you say that even someone like him deserves a break every now and then. (He removes a huge cigar from his pocket and lights it with a satisfied grin on his face) Now give me those wings before I get mad.

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