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The food – it’s gorgeous! I’ve never tasted anything quite like it!

Well there’s a reason for that. In 1979, using illegally acquired funds, you invested heavily in a chain of international burger stores whereupon you undercut the prices of every other burger chain in the world in order to make even more money by taking the whole market.

SinBurgers, yeah, they were great…

Actually, they were pretty vile, but the result was that everyone had to buy lower quality meat to sell in their burgers or they’d never make any money. As a result, every burger bar on the planet sold foul-tasting food that made everyone fat.

Yeah, I called it "Operation Obese". I figured if everyone was too large to fly fighter planes, I could take over the world.

Well, it was a sound plan, but of course, since you don’t exist…all the food here is not only tasty, it’s nutritious too.

Hmmm…that doesn’t sound too good.

(The two eat their food in silence. Over by the cashier, there is a ringing bell)

Oh cool, someone just made it.

Made what?

Every time you hear a bell, someone just got their horns.

Is that right? (Under his breath) You really have lost it… (On the far wall, a TV catches Doctor Sinister’s eye) Hey, what on Earth’s going on there?

That? Oh, three years ago, the UN outlawed all forms of war and set up a world government. The final nations signed their powers over to the legislature this morning. There is now one government, one leader, and soon mankind will be heading out into the stars, in peace.

WHAT?!

Well, you don’t exist, so of course there was no-one to blackmail the UN every week, no-one to foster secret little wars around the globe behind the scenes, no-one to spread mistrust and suspicion wherever he trod, so as a result, everyone got on famously with everyone else. The whole world is a lot happier. It’s really rather pleasant…

This is ridiculous. Even when I was on the run I was able to make vague threats to world security on my cellphone. (Pats his pockets) Hang on, where is my cellphone? Where’s my ‘phone? I must have dropped it!

You don’t have a cellphone Doc’. You don’t exist. Don’t you understand? It’e because you were never cloned. You’re nobody. You’ve no identity.

What do you mean? I’m Doctor Sinister!

There is no Doctor Sinister. You have no papers, no cards, no driver’s licence, no social security number, no insurance policies, no loyal followers. You know, you’ve been given a great gift Doc! The chance to see what the world would be like without you…

I’ve had enough of this, you’re insane, I’m going home…

What home? You don’t exist!

Shut up!! (The Doctor heads out into the night)

* * *

(Some hours later, Doctor Sinister is walking inconsolably along the main road heading out of town. Menace slips quietly into step behind him)

So how was home?

It was horrible, my elegant mansion was nothing but a ruin, everyone I met professed never to have heard of me and all throughout the town, there were happy smiling faces everywhere, people without a care in the world. Did you know they solved the problem with the ozone layer? That there’s no global warming? No famine, no war, no disease, it’s all…perfect!

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