Devil…

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Whatever…look why are you here? (Looks Menace up and down) And if you’re a devil, isn’t there something missing? What happened to your horns?

I haven’t won my horns yet, that’s why I’m a devil, second class. I’ve got to earn them – will you help me?

That depends. (Suddenly hopeful) Have you got eight billion dollars?

Alas, no, we don’t use cash where I come from.

(Crestfallen) Pity. I had a bit of a problem at the Sinister Swindle and Loan Company – that’s this bank I run, it’s been quite successful so far, but lately…there have been some problems…

I know all that stuff Doc’, remember, I know all about you.

You want to watch that kind of talk, I’ll have a restraining order put on you.

No you won’t, your Lawyer ran off with eight billion dollars.

Oh yeah. Well, that proves my point very nicely. As I speak, the combined forces of the United Nations are hot on my heels and the World Bank wants my head on a platter. Right now, I’m worth more dead than alive.

Hey, enough of that talk – I’ll not get my horns that way. Look, it’s a fairly straightforward deal: I help you, and you help me. You just don’t know all that you’ve done for this world…

Listen mate, I’ve had it with you, I don’t need it. I just wish I was never cloned…

(The Doctor walks off into the dark as Menace stops in the street, muttering) Well I suppose that might work… (He runs after the Doctor) Hey Doc’! Doc’!

What now?

You got your wish, you’ve never been cloned. (There is an ominous breeze and suddenly, it stops snowing) You don’t exist, you haven’t a care in the world. No worries, no obligations, no World Bank, no eight billion dollars…

Hang on… (Removes his eyepatch) I can SEE! My eye! It works properly! I haven’t seen anything through that eye ever since…well…I don’t like to talk about it…

I know…

Of course you do. And hey, it’s stopped snowing. You know, I need something to eat, come on, let’s get back to the car. (The two men trudge back to the tree where the limousine was "parked" to find…) Hey, there’s no car. Where’s my car?

You don’t have a car – you don’t exist, remember?

But…my cats were in there.

You don’t have any cats, you were never cloned!

(Distraught) I think I’m losing my mind…devils, disappearing cars…disappearing cats…I’m hungry, come on…let’s find a burger bar.

* * *

(Half an hour later, the two men are seated in the corner booth of the Dreadford Falls Burger Emporium…)

You know, I’m sure this used to be a White Castle…

Oh, you’ll see a lot of different things from now on Doc’. And not just because you have use of both your eyes now.

I never really noticed before, but what’s with the Viking helmet and the World War I army fatigues?

Oh, these, it’s been a while since my last mission, I’m out of touch with local fashions. This helmet comes from the gift shop in Valhalla.

I wish I hadn’t asked… (The food arrives, and Doctor Sinister takes a bite of his burger) Oh my…

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