Then we should get out of here!

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We can’t, I’ve scouted the entire complex, there are only five ways in or out and the Police have them all secured. I’m not sure if they know we’re actually in here or if they just happen to be in the area, but there’s no way we can make a run for it.

Curses…

And that’s not all your Superiousness, I know where we are.

You told me that already, San Antonio, Texas…

Yes, but I know precisely where we are. We’re inside the old church that formed a part of the Alamo Mission.

The Alamo? That sounds familiar.

It should my Lord.

Oh yes, I remember, it was the name of my local Cinema when I grew up.

Well…

Oh, and you can rent cars from Alamo too. So this is a car rental firm eh? Interesting…

No, that’s not it. The Alamo was the site of a famous battle in 1836 between the forces of Mexico and the Republic of Texas. Approximately 187 men were holed up in this complex whilst 5,000 Mexican soldiers surrounded the buildings. Have you ever heard of Davy Crockett?

Can’t say that I have. Except, hang on, didn’t he wear a famous hat?

Erm…

Yes, that was it, famous hat maker. Got in trouble with activists for using real fur. I’m sure that was the chap.

Not quite my lord, he was an American folk hero, he died defending the Alamo along with Bowie.

David Bowie? The famous singer? He’s dead? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Space Oddity is my favourite… "Ground control to Major Tom"…classic.

No your Supremacy, Jim Bowie. An 19th century soldier.

Not the man who sang Starman?

No. Famous for inventing a type of knife though.

I see. Disappointing, in a way. David Bowie I can relate to, someone with a fancy knife, not so much. These celebrity chefs get everywhere…

(Confused) Erm… Anyway, Crockett and Bowie were among the defenders of the Alamo. They held out for thirteen days.

So, let me get this straight, these two chaps were completely surrounded, with thousands of men outside baying for their blood.

Precisely that sir.

And now, we’re trapped in here in an identical situation in the same place?

Well…

But this is great! We can recreate the old battle and sweep aside our enemies and escape to victory!

Ah…

Picture the scene General, we eliminate everyone in the area, just like Crockett and Bowie, and become the most famous men on the planet for battling and succeeding against all the odds – just like those valiant defenders all those years ago.

But…

I knew there was a reason I chose this building to hide in, it was serendipity! We’re going to recreate history!

Your Superiousness, I must intercede at this point, as I mentioned earlier, Crockett and Bowie died during the defence of the Alamo. As I was saying, they held out for thirteen days before the Mexican Army assaulted and overwhelmed them, most of the defenders died.

Oh that’s just terrific. You know, I really don’t know why I employ you, you bring me to this Godforsaken country, where they don’t even make a decent cup of tea and give me constant lectures on the history of your people, and then drag me without so much as a by your leave into this cold, damp and dusty museum just so we can get caught and no doubt tortured by the local authorities…

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