They get bored easily.

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So I gather. Your Excellency, just a couple of hundred miles away, the twinkling lights of Vegas await us. Just think my Lord, with your suitcase of cash, and my Roulette system, we could triple the funds available to us and hire ourselves a new army.

General, I’m well aware of your unfortunate predilection for gambling, when we had our island base, the stories of your exploits at the barracks Poker tables made for grim reading. And, to be honest, when you suggested coming to this part of the world, I was expecting something rather less frivolous than sitting around in decadent luxury and cheating at cards.

Cheating? Your Superiousness, I never cheat. Well, hardly ever. Well, not all the time. And at the risk of sounding like a bore myself, can I please ask once again why we are creeping around on our bellies in the middle of the desert on what is becoming a rather chilly night? I’m wasting valuable time better spent at the Roulette tables. I’ve got this great system worked out…

Hang on a moment. Let me just…. (Doctor Sinister reaches inside his jacket and removes a small compact telescope. Putting it to his remaining eye, he sweeps the horizon and after some focussing, he smiles to himself) There, I’ve found it. Behold General!

(General Menace puts a pair of powerful binoculars to his eyes)

Interesting, I can see what appears to be an airport. There are runways, several large hangers and some assorted buildings. There are lots of lights, seems to be pretty busy down there.

Fascinating isn’t it?

Fascinating? Well, if you consider airports to be fascinating places. I’m sorry my Lord, as much as I’d like to express my enthusiasm for the tourist industry, I can’t…

It’s not an airport.

It’s not? Then what is it?

For once I think I am able to enlighten you General. That facility in the distance is probably the most top secret military installation in the world. Well, second to our own base of course.

Which doesn’t exist any more…

Well, OK then, it IS the most secret base in the world.

Secret? It’s lit up like a Christmas tree – how do they expect to keep it secret? Might as well have a big neon sign and an illuminated arrow that reads "Secret Base Here".

They keep it secret by enclosing it within a restricted area the size of Switzerland. It stops trespassers getting too close.

But then…how did we…how are we…?

We’re already several miles into the restricted area. If we’re caught, we’ll be shot on sight. I’m sorry, I sort of distracted you when the warning sign appeared on the road.

You did?

Yes. You see, as we were heading to Vegas, I suddenly noticed this blank area on the map, and I recalled reading all about this base on the internet.

You read about a secret base…on the internet?

Oh yes, there are all sorts of websites talking about this place and I couldn’t resist a detour to take a look for myself. General, welcome to the Groom Lake facility, also known as Area 51.

(Pales) Oh…my…God…

Yes, when you said we should look to the future, you had it right, except for the gambling part. Area 51 is home to the most advanced aircraft in the world – incredible machines that the US government won’t officially acknowledge, funded by secret means and known only to a select few within the administration. (There is a distant roar and a bright light hurtles down one of the runways before becoming airborne) That’s probably one of the new planes taking off now. Incidentally, that runway is said to be the longest in the world.

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