EPISODE 22 – "Unidentified Sinister Objects"

In a black sky, thousands of brilliant, twinkling, stars glitter above a seemingly endless tract of featureless, arid desert. A warm breeze rolls across the surface and whips up small whirling dust clouds.

There is a cough.

From behind a steep rise descending to a long, straight roadway, bright torch lights appear as two men struggle over the crest of the hill. Dropping to their knees, they extinguish their flashlights and stare into the distance.

General Menace: You know, my Lord, when I suggested coming to southern Nevada, I had something rather more glamorous in mind than crawling around in the desert…

Doctor Sinister: I know exactly what you had in mind General, however you only have yourself to blame. If you’d let me do the driving as I asked, perhaps I wouldn’t have had so much time to peruse the map.

Your Excellency, the last time you drove, you caused a three-hundred car pile-up on the Interstate.

Well what do you expect? Everyone else was driving on the wrong side of the road.

Your Superiousness, we aren’t in England now, or on our island base, this is the United States of America, like most of the world, they drive on the right hand side of the road here.

Damned savages – it’s ridiculous, all civilised nations drive on the left. The UK, Japan…

Australia…

Well, OK, point taken.

So you can imagine my reluctance to let you behind the wheel.

Alright General, you win. Besides, I suppose it’s for the best anyway, I am undoubtedly the best person to read the map.

(Stifling a choke) With all due respect your Magnificence, we spent a week circling around Colorado before you would accept that you had the map upside down.

It’s not my fault I only have one eye.

Of course not my Lord, but it has taken us nearly a month to get this far.

The scenic route is always the most interesting…

My Lord, we’re in the desert, there is no scenery to consider. By now, we could have reached Las Vegas and I was rather hoping that we would have checked into our Hotel by now. The limo’ is getting rather stuffy and smelly, and I don’t think there’s a single bit of leather left on the seats that your cats haven’t clawed or chewed away.

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