(The screen display shifts to show the flashing locations of geo-stationary Sinister satellites in orbit as they scan the planet with their own onboard equipment. But the missile does not reappear on the screen)

Subscribe Today

• Subscribe to Armchair General Magazine
• Subscribe online and save nearly 40%!
 

No trace your Excellency – the device appears to be 100% effective. It’s a total success!

Thank you General, thank you. Yes, I’ve done it – the first RADAR invisible ICBM. Undetectable and invisible, we can now launch nuclear weapons at any target on the planet with impunity!

I had my doubts Sagacity, but this is truly exceptional. For the first time since the start of the Cold War, a nuclear power has the ability to engage in a first-strike scenario without fear of retaliation. The missiles will arrive before anyone even knows they have been launched, and, if we activate the stealth screens before launch, no-one will even know who fired them. My Lord, you’ve finally broken the delicate balance of power! I’ll take steps to have all our missiles equipped with the stealth screen at once.

General – we have invented the ULTIMATE weapon! Drinks and double-bonuses all round I think.

And cigars?

What?

Oh, never mind…

(There is a sudden pinging noise from the main screen and the dotted line trace of the missile reappears. The assembled scientists sheepishly look at their clipboards and mumble amongst themselves)

What’s going on?

I don’t know, the stealth screen on the missile suddenly dropped out and it’s visible to everyone…

Reactivate it!

(The throng of scientists scrambles to the control consoles, flicking switches and pulling levers as Doctor Sinister paces up and down, his robotic arm twitching)

Well?

(General Menace joins in, twisting dials and loooking at readouts)

I’m trying, but something is overriding the controls…

(The General snaps around as he hears sparking noises from a control board in the far corner – and sees a pair of Siamese cats slowly and methodically stripping the insulation from a bundle of cables leading into the rock wall)

Argh! No!!

What’s up?

My Lord, respectfully, your bloody cats, they’ve trashed the transmission console, they must have deactivated the stealth screen remotely and now we’ll never get it back up again…

But we must, that missile can be seen by everyone…

(Klaxons ring through the chamber)

Now what?

Our missile has been detected by an American satellite…this is not good.

If they trace where it came from…

(More klaxons chime incessantly)

Not just the Americans, a Chinese satellite is picking up the missile as well, and now the Russians have seen it…

(A warning buzzer sounds from the main viewscreen which turns a violent shade of scarlet and announces a Red Alert throughout the base)

What now?

Enemy missile launch, someone’s traced the source of our missile – and they’re firing back.

But ours was just a test, there’s no warhead on board.

I would hazard a guess that since this was a top secret project, they probably don’t know that it’s not armed. Hang on…picking up more launches now, a British submarine in the Atlantic has fired a Trident missile at our location…the Russians have fired an ICBM and the Chinese have launched another five toward our general position. It’s going to get hot…

Help Armchair General by bookmarking to