Well, there’s a first time for everything.

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(Nervous.) And…it is my week off.

Well, I was bored and I didn’t think you’d mind.

How could I…

This is quite a nice abode you have here. Oh I say, you have a dog!

(A short bulldog is poking its nose through the door from the bedroom to see what the commotion is all about but it is almost instantly set upon by one of the prowling cats. The dog runs back into the bedroom and there is thunderous crashing sound)

Erm, yes, that’s Sherman. He’s probably my best friend. Ahem, present company excepted your Eminence.

(There is an ominous sound of scratching and one of the velvet curtains suddenly falls to the floor, followed closely by a cat which sneaks away sheepishly)

Well, erm, yes, I like it very much your Excellency. Living atop one of the barracks buildings means I can be close to the men, which is good for morale. It’s also spacious, with generous facilities, well built and of course I have a lovely view of the coast on one side, and an excellent view of the main parade ground on the other.

(There is a crash from the kitchen area and General menace whirls around to see the white blur of one of the cats streaking out from under a pile of broken plates)

Good to hear it General. Mind if I take a seat? (Doctor Sinister slumps onto one of the leather sofas and kicks his feet up onto the coffee table sending the neatly arrayed copies of "Cigar Aficionado" magazine flying all over the floor)

Argh! My magazines! (General Menace scoops up the crumpled magazines and folds them back into shape before reverently placing them on the table furthest from Doctor Sinister) Sorry your Supremacy, but these magazines mean a lot to me.

Cigars General? I never knew you smoked?

(With great effort) Yes Sir, in fact, we have had this conversation before, but for various reasons, you’ve never been able to find me a supply.

Oh well, you should have said. I’ll order some up for you now…

There’s no need my Lord, I have, in fact, only this morning received a delivery of hand-rolled Cubans. (The General heads to a cabinet by the window, pausing only briefly to see one of the cats running away from a suspicious yellow stain on his pristine white carpet. He opens the cabinet and removes a large wooden box from one of the shelves before heading back to the Doctor) You see my Lord, an entire box of the finest Cigars money can buy. I am planning to treat myself to the first one very shortly. It’s been a long time…

Well that sounds simply marvellous. Perhaps you can light one up to toast my latest plan!

(With an imperceptible roll of his eyes, General Menace carefully places the cigar box on the coffee table) As usual my Lord, I am all ears.

I had a great idea to improve the quality of our armed forces. And I thought you might like to assist me with the interviews.

Well, alright, I could pop over to the HQ for an hour or so but…

No need General – I spared you the effort. (Doctor Sinister turns to face the door) OK, number 1! Come on in!

(The door opens and a short figure dressed wholly in a black pyjama suit and hood stealthily enters the room, scanning all around until finally standing to attention before the Doctor and the General)

General, I’d like you to welcome Colonel Hanzo, a new recruit to the cause.

Erm, pleased to meet you I’m sure Colonel. My Lord, what is the aim of this?

Colonel Hanzo is a Ninja warrior. He’s also well-trained in the art of the Samurai sword, Judo, Karate, Kung Fu and Aikido. He’ll be a good all-rounder for the Black Berets.

The what my Lord?

The Black Berets – didn’t you get my memo’? I sent it an hour ago.

Well, no your Excellency, we haven’t had the post yet, and anyway, it’s my week off, as I said.

Well, never mind. The Black Berets is going to be the new name for the special forces.

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