As I relax here in my all-encompassing black leather swivel chair, absentmindedly petting one of my cats and spitefully flicking large glowing buttons on the central console, I cast my eye over the massive illuminated map on the wall ahead of me – the one with all the blinking lights showing the major cities of the world – and I think about how best to open this review.

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Your future leader

An introduction would probably work – so here we go. I’m Doctor Sinister and I have been an evil genius/supervillain since 1997. I am destined to become the ruler of the entire universe and there’s nothing any of you can do about it.

OK, now that that’s out of the way, I know there are those amongst you wondering what on Earth being an evil genius has to do with military history or Armchair General magazine. Well, allow me to enlighten you. Evil geniuses are the lifeblood of the world’s economy and the driving force behind much of the weapons technology developed since the end of the Second World War.

There, I’ve said it.

How so? Well, without evil geniuses, half of the world’s secret service organisations would be redundant. Large parts of the CIA, FBI, M15 and Mossad would be twiddling their thumbs. The world’s Special Forces would not nearly be so experienced as they are today and the space program would have stalled in 1965 (professional courtesy forbids me from saying why). In a world without evil geniuses creating new doomsday devices or people working equally hard to try and invent new ways to stop them, technology as a whole would be much less advanced and we wouldn’t all be walking around with cell phones.

Evil geniuses are innovative, brilliant, inventive people; they just share one fatal flaw – their insane lust for power. Furthermore, although it is true that your average evil genius often has no direct military experience (like myself), they are able to wield vast sums of money and control large paramilitary organisations from afar without placing themselves in any actual danger.

Yes, evil geniuses are the ULTIMATE Armchair Generals!

But running an organisation dedicated to total world domination can be a trying affair, and as I lean back and close my eyes to listen to the gentle hum of my Command Centre, I recall that I often feel misunderstood and under appreciated by my underlings. Which is why I am pleased to see that Elixir Studios have gone some way to righting these wrongs by releasing their new game, appropriately entitled Evil Genius.

Yes, I’m finally getting to the point – forgive me, like all evil geniuses, I like to talk a lot.

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