The Incorrect Art of War [Episode 06] – Time Travelers of Death

A J Summersgill and Jim H Moreno | May 04, 2005  |  Single Page |  0 comments  | Print  | E-mail

Level 34? The recreation lounge Sir?

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Did I say Level 34? I meant Level 35.

Level 35 is the swimming pool my Lord.

Is it? Then where are the Dinosaurs kept these days?

Level 52, where they’ve always been.

Well, that explains a lot. I was beginning to wonder why I was sending people to be eaten twice…

But, sending him to the Dinosaurs, don’t you think that’s a bit harsh your Benevolence? The Allosaurs haven’t been properly fed for months, he’ll be ripped to pieces.

That’s a very good point General, they must be very hungry, you’d better send those two guards in with him.

(Sighs) Very well Sir, I understand, this is obviously a top secret project – are you at liberty to tell me what it is?

Time travel General!

Time travel Sir?

Yes, come with me, I’m ever so excited.

(Under his breath) I wish I was…

(The two men walk briskly through a series of security doors, each one larger, thicker and more elaborate than the last)

Haven’t you ever wanted to travel in time General? To go back in time and change history? Maybe even just to correct an important change in your life – a decision you’d made?

Only once Sir.

And what was that?

I’d rather not say if it’s all the same to you my Lord.

Well soon it will not only be possible, but I will be making those changes!

Really?

Yes, with the addition of this final component, I will become the lord of time! Behold! My time machine!

(Incredulous) A toilet cubicle?

No no no no no, not a toilet cubicle, that’s just a disguise, inside there is the most advanced machine in history – a fully functioning time machine!

Just one that happens to look like a toilet?

It’s bigger on the inside you fool.

It is? That sounds familiar… You haven’t perchance been watching lots of British science-fiction recently have you…?

Not that I can recall – anyway, what do you think?

Well, it’s difficult to put into words my Lord…what are you planning to do with it?

Immense things my friend! Just think General – we can go back in time, kidnap some of the greatest military minds from history, Napoleon, Alexander the Great, that chap from Mongolia, erm…

Ghengis Khan?

Yes! And him as well! It’ll be great – it’ll save you a whole load of work. With these men behind us, we’ll become invincible!

It will? We will? Gosh, that’s an awesome prospect Sir.

Might even put you out of a job eh General?

(Alarmed) Really? Wow. What a thought. (Eyes the black box nervously and thinks of Level 52)

Yes, all we need to do is plug in this little black box and whoosh – off we go.

(Thinking quickly) Whoosh indeed sir…except…

Except what General?

Well, except time travel would be inherently dangerous…

How so?

Well, kidnapping scientists from our own time is all well and good, but finding all these historical leaders will be an incredibly difficult job. And these are dangerous men – not to mention the hazards in evading their security to even get to them – are you sure you’d want that kind of risk?

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